Wherever you are

Yesterday I moved to my girl friend's empty house alone. I wanted some peace and quiet days for a week. I know I'm missing you a lot that is why I think this hideout is so important. I need to detach myself from the world and from all distractions to ask myself, What's my problem? Why am I so upset over all things? Are you really that important to me?

Doing things which are insignificant to my usual life makes me realize how hectic my life is. As I watch the fishes in her house swim and pick up pebbles, it looks so happy doing the same action over and over again. Can I do something over and over again maintaining that happiness?

Today, I went to the park next to her house. Walking alone in the park seems so meaningless but with the beautiful nature, it makes me feel that you are here with me walking. Watching the beautiful sunset reminds me so much of you. I'm still waiting for the day you walk this road with me, watch sunset together and go to trips together. What happened to the promise that you made? You told me that you will be there with me to travel together. I once told you, if you ever need me, I will be there with you wherever you are.

Is my love for you not obvious enough for you to know or you simply think that you are not good enough for me? I love you for who you are.

Baby, I do cherish you. How long more do I have to wait for your return?





- I Do Cherish You

Birthday

I've never felt so disappointed before. Few days back I sent you your birthday gift to the id I created for you. I pre-planned everything for you but did you even bother to check it? I'm so heart broken that you ignored me completely.

On the actual day of my birthday, I received hundreds of wishes from others but i never receive any of yours. I waited for you to wish me the whole day but you never did. Felt so heart broken once again. You leave me no choice but to reveal my tattoo to you. I didn't want you to know about it till we are together, I guess I really can't take it anymore. I was so heart broken since the day of your birthday till mine. I didn't even have the motivation or heart to celebrate mine anymore. I was dragged out by my family to have a simple dinner but inside me, I felt so empty without you by my side.

I was facing serious depression lately. Where were you when I need you? So much happened to me without you. I missed you. I noticed i can't live without you. I love you dumbo. Hope to have you by my side everyday.

Ps. I do cherish you.

Feeling empty

These few weeks I've been busy rushing for assignments due and I just got into this new job on the 1st. Things got so packed and hectic, sometimes I felt like exploding. Whenever I listen to songs while doing things, i wished you were here to feel and fill my emptiness. Felt so empty lately facing all my stresses alone without you. Only you can fill my emptiness with your love. My empty head, empty heart and empty soul. Feel so restless, missing you everyday, wondering how you are doing but unable to ask you. Feel like I'm in a movie or something. How I wish I would just meet an accident and lost all my memories so that I could start a new life. Felt so in pain and sorrowful. Next week's birthday is just like any ordinary day to me. I don't feel like planning, celebrating or even doing anything on that day. I don't have the passion and heart to do anything. What is wrong with me? Your absence affected my life and whatever I do so much that I kept punishing myself like a fool. I miss you dear. I was thinking of you so much when I took this picture. I wished you were there with me watching the beautiful sunset.


Ps. I still and do cherish you

Sad departure

The other day when me and WE send you off to the airport to NZ, we had dinner at this restaurant that I told you is very significant to him. I don't even know my grieve over him is right or wrong. During dinner and the departure, I felt so lost in between both of you when I see both of you hugging and kissing. I see the love in both of you and I didn't want to interfere both of you. I feel so confused of whether or not you will miss me. I was so lonely ever since you left. I felt so empty. I know that love is patient and kind and I'm still patiently waiting for you, do you know any of that?

Ps. I will always wait for you to come back and I do cherish you.


This is the place that we had our dinner before you leave.


I see tears in your eyes as you reach the departure gate. I know how you feel being apart from your loved one.

- I Do Cherish You

Because of you

Previously, the person that I told you about, which I treated as the love of my life and I told you he's exceptional was actually someone for me to diversify my feelings for you to him. I kept convincing and grieving myself that he's the one that makes me go insane. You are my closest friend of all and I shared almost all of my happenings with you. Your family and friends started to suspect that I'm a lesbian or a bisexual, all because I don't have a boyfriend and I treated you unconditionally in a way that is not so normal to everyone. In your world of people, it is impossible to have someone not related at all, to be so close and doing things together. Not one or two suspected me, but almost all of them said the same thing. How can I deal with it? It is also very hard for me to accept. I'm getting more and more confused on my feelings towards you and our relationship. It's all very frustrating! I don't know whether I should tell you or not. I'm afraid that we would not be friends anymore if I tell you. It's harder for me to lose you than to do anything. I don't wanna lose you. You are someone I cherish most.

- I Do Cherish You

Symbolic tattoo

Yesterday you decided to get a tattoo done because of 'WE', so I followed you there and we both did it together. When we were choosing the design, I was thinking very hard what to put on so that I don't regret in the future. I didn't want to put anything that makes people question me in the future. So I decided to put a scorpio sign there with the leaves surrounding it. Since you already decided what to put on your body, so I let you to start doing it first. The pain that I saw on your face was really heart breaking. During that time, I really felt that you love 'WE' very much and I didn't want to interfere it. The symbol on our body may be on the same placing but it both represents different meanings. Your symbol represents 'WE' but mine represents us. Initially, the idea of me getting it, is because I want to experience the pain that you have during the process of doing it and for the sake of my broken heart. But the truth is, it is mainly because of you and not anyone else. If it wasn't for you and with you, I wouldn't have the courage to do it at all. I kept convincing myself that it was for him and I want to remember the pain I had for this symbol but after awhile when I think again, it is actually more for you than him. I named it Garden of Scorpio because it represents us. It is our horoscope sign and we did it together.

WE anchor

The Garden of Scorpio

- I Do Cherish You