My promise to you

Do you still remembered what I promised you few years ago? I promised you that I will do anything for you with my best ability. I always deliver my promises to you. As I've told you before, I don't simply make a promise to anyone. But for you, I'm willing to do anything that you asked for. I never did anything like this for anyone before except you. Not even my family or boy friend.

Recently, I started assembling the puzzle you bought. It really tested my patience and determination. In the beginning, I was really struggling hard to figure out where to start. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. After reflecting back of the times when we assemble puzzle together, I did groupings and segregation for it like how we used to do. I finally know what I'm doing. I spent a few sleepless nights till morning trying to finish it quickly and frame it back for you. Finally, I managed to complete it in 5 days. This is the fastest I can go. Really hope that you'll appreciate it.


The Sound of Colours: The Lucky Apple

- I Do Cherish You -

Heartbroken and alone

Why do you have to treat me like this? What have I done wrong? Did you punish me like this because I'm in love with you? I have never done and will never do anything to harm you. There are plenty of other people who fancy you as well but why am I the exception? Just because I'm a girl? I didn't like any other girls except you. You're not being fair to me. I didn't hope for anything or any further progress. I just want you to know the truth and I didn't want to lie to you. Actually the main cause for me to think or realized that I fall for you is the people around you. Everyone has been warning you and saying to you that I might be a lesbian. The fact is I didn't even think of it at all until you kept teasing me continuously and I got confused with the statement and started questioning myself.

I only want us to be like how we used to be. I don't mind you being with another person and I also hope that you can be happy. Everything I do for you, I only want to see you happy. I can do anything for you. I really mean anything. Is this like the old Chinese saying that you give a shoe to someone means you're sending that person away from your life? Both of us didn't even think of this issue at all until I realized recently you bought me a shoe and this incident happened.

Yesterday, I already chase my boyfriend out of my house. It's getting more and more difficult for me to face him. To the extend I didn't want to make love with him anymore. I just can't do it and I need some space on my own. The fact that you are deserting me are too hard for me to accept. I kept telling you not to desert me because I know you will do so one day. It is so heart breaking to hear you saying that.

Since the day you told me that you heard the truth, I already predicted that you will ask me to give you back your house keys. It is just a matter of when. Yesterday when I got your message and before I read it, I already know that you were going to ask about the keys. You even asked me to pass everything to your mum and you have to send another text 'I mean everything'. I was really saddened and I couldn't sleep but to continue to assemble the pig puzzle till 8.30am.

My biggest wish for the year is to reconcile with you and be together again as sisters like how we used to be. Every time I assemble the pieces of puzzle, reminds me of the times we used to had assembling puzzle together at your old resident.





I'm half way done assembling your pig puzzle. Hopefully I can frame it up before end of the month.

-I Do Cherish You-

The truth revealed

After our possible last trip, I had been sending plenty of messages and tried calling you. You cancel my call or your line is busy every time I called you or you didn't reply my messages. I felt that something was not right. It is not the usual way how we used to communicate. We at least give each other a message or call almost daily but it has been 5 days already and I haven't talk to you. So I took the initiative to text you and it goes like that.

"Hey, Happy New Year! How are u? Haven't been talking to you. Have u started your medication?"

"I'm ok. Don't wanna talk"

"Ok.. Hope u're fine. I'll be available for u if u need me. Will take a month break from work to rest and look for new job to start in feb. Take care"

"I actually heard what u said on that night u were drunk. I am very hurt and disappointed. I treat u like a true sister but in return it is some other form of Rship to u, regardless it is in your conscious or unconscious mind. Honestly I have fear towards u now, whenever I think about it.. Maybe we should stop seeing each other personally for sometime, I do not know how to face u.. If anythg official, u may still text me. I will reply u."

"I actually knew that u heard but since u said u didn't, I didn't want to repeat it again. I regretted saying that to u but that's the truth that I can't explain. I tried very hard convincing myself to treat u like my sister and I didn't want u to know the truth. I thought that being with someone else might change the truth and stop me from thinking of u. I already predicted that this will happen and I know it's hard for u to accept it. I had been forgetting this feeling long time but it came back again. I'm very sorry I hurt u. I'm really sorry that I let u down. I hope u can keep this within us as I told u before. Sorry again."

After sending all these messages, instantly I felt that my heart and soul was falling apart. I can't believe that this is happening to me. My tears were about to roll down naturally but I managed to hold and swallow it back as my boyfriend is next to me. The pain in my heart was unbearable. I was crying hard in my heart but I have to show a poker face on the outside. I find it hard for me to face him after telling you the truth. I also felt very bad for adding more complications to your already-complicated-life.

Whether or not we stay apart, I'll still remember the good times we had and our interests in common.



- I Do Cherish You -

Our possible last trip

The night before our long-waited trip, I was very delighted that I could sleepover your place again. However I was having the feeling that was left aside long time ago which makes me feel that I should tell you the truth. While I was sleeping next to you, I can't help but to look at you sleeping. It has been awhile since I last see you sleeping soundly.

During the trip, I was over-joyed being there with you although there's nothing much to do. We had a nice aromatherapy massage on the first day together which makes our body muscle relaxes. Maybe because of the massage, we are able to sleep soundly at night and wake up happily the next morning. Our mood was as good as the years before. Taking pictures happily together, enjoying the beautiful scenery and taking an afternoon nap as usual. It's a rather relaxing and stress-free trip with you. I never felt as happy as this in my life before. I know that it's only my one-sided love and you only treat me as your little sister but I can't help but to think of sharing my love with you.

But as good time passed, I decided to take some beer after dinner which triggers me and started to bring my emotions to actions. I was trying so hard to control myself from telling you the truth but I can't. I know that if I don't tell you the truth when I'm unconscious, I won't have the chance to tell you when I'm conscious again. I know what I'm doing. I know that I'm hugging and babbling to tell you that I'm in love with you and I know it is impossible for us to be together. I always thought that by having an ordinary relationship with another person would make me forget about you. The truth is even though I've been in another relationship, I still won't be able to let you go. I missed you so much that I wanted to hug and kiss you when I'm unconscious. I remember your responses to my every words and actions. You seem to understand what I'm babbling but you didn't bother to ask clearly. We both ended up sleeping restlessly and it seems like I had ruined our final night of the trip.

While we have breakfast in the morning, you kept asking me what happened the night before but I couldn't open up my mouth to tell you what happened but to say that I forgotten what happened. You kept telling me that you didn't understand what I was trying to tell you but in my heart I know that you understand what I'm trying to tell you. You told me that you frustrated that you couldn't sleep well because of my crazy drunken behavior. It really breaks my heart to hear you saying that. I really hope that you heard what I said. You told me that you wouldn't go drink with me again and you might not go for another trip with me again.

While we were on the way back to our home, I couldn't say a word with you because of the disappointment I have in my heart. We were supposed to take a day break and go for another trip the next day together. After you told me that you decided to go alone instead, I was really saddened and speechless. I was too disappointed to do anything the whole day. Even when I meet my boyfriend, I don't feel the excitement. My body belongs to the man sleeping next to me but my heart and soul is with you all the while missing and thinking of you. Nobody can ever replace your position in my heart.

This might be our last trip together but I will still cherish it every moment I spent with you. I'll always love you.


The place where we took our pictures.


The heart-shaped purple flower plant that represents my love to you.


The rock that we had hardship together.

I Do Cherish You

Dreaming of You

I was so busy drowning myself with my new job lately that I thought that I could leave you out of my mind. I realized I was wrong! Even though I didn't think of you as much as I do previously, but I suddenly dreamt of you in my room, waiting for my return from work. I was so surprise that I couldn't ask anything but to hug and kiss you right away. The next minute, I found myself soak with tears when jerked myself up while I'm still in your arms. I missed you so much and how I wish that dream was true.

Now that you are ignoring me, it breaks my heart so much to the extend I can't think of a way to cure it but to bare the pain everyday. I wish I could be with you everyday, having you by my side when I sleep. Cuddling you, fooling around with you like we used to be. How can I ever meet you again? Sometimes I even think will you visit me if I got admitted to the hospital? If we ever meet again, how would things be? Pain? Sorrow? Happiness? Care? Love? All these questions had been spinning in my mind ever since I started this blog.


I Do Cherish You Darling

Wherever you are

Yesterday I moved to my girl friend's empty house alone. I wanted some peace and quiet days for a week. I know I'm missing you a lot that is why I think this hideout is so important. I need to detach myself from the world and from all distractions to ask myself, What's my problem? Why am I so upset over all things? Are you really that important to me?

Doing things which are insignificant to my usual life makes me realize how hectic my life is. As I watch the fishes in her house swim and pick up pebbles, it looks so happy doing the same action over and over again. Can I do something over and over again maintaining that happiness?

Today, I went to the park next to her house. Walking alone in the park seems so meaningless but with the beautiful nature, it makes me feel that you are here with me walking. Watching the beautiful sunset reminds me so much of you. I'm still waiting for the day you walk this road with me, watch sunset together and go to trips together. What happened to the promise that you made? You told me that you will be there with me to travel together. I once told you, if you ever need me, I will be there with you wherever you are.

Is my love for you not obvious enough for you to know or you simply think that you are not good enough for me? I love you for who you are.

Baby, I do cherish you. How long more do I have to wait for your return?





- I Do Cherish You

Birthday

I've never felt so disappointed before. Few days back I sent you your birthday gift to the id I created for you. I pre-planned everything for you but did you even bother to check it? I'm so heart broken that you ignored me completely.

On the actual day of my birthday, I received hundreds of wishes from others but i never receive any of yours. I waited for you to wish me the whole day but you never did. Felt so heart broken once again. You leave me no choice but to reveal my tattoo to you. I didn't want you to know about it till we are together, I guess I really can't take it anymore. I was so heart broken since the day of your birthday till mine. I didn't even have the motivation or heart to celebrate mine anymore. I was dragged out by my family to have a simple dinner but inside me, I felt so empty without you by my side.

I was facing serious depression lately. Where were you when I need you? So much happened to me without you. I missed you. I noticed i can't live without you. I love you dumbo. Hope to have you by my side everyday.

Ps. I do cherish you.